Life happens when least expected

Just last week, I was on this high…I felt so great– I felt amazing. Finally, the Universe thought about me (things were coming together)! I found my passion and for the first time in a long time, I found my purpose. I felt pure joy, you know. Have you ever felt that before?

There was this moment where I was proud of my recent choices and happy about my newfound convictions. This high lasted for 3 months. I had climbed a mountain, getting to the tippy top and taking in the view.

I am lucky, not too many people experience joy. Those who do, experience joy in relationships, marriages, or by raising children. Rarely do they experience joy by themselves–they don’t find that grove…that niche or their flowing mouse. When you find joy, the world makes sense. Hold on to it and don’t let it go.

The Invisibility Trap

That was me last week, full of joy, possibility, and excited about the future. I felt like nothing bad could happen to me. I was doing my daily affirmations (which I still do). I was determined to succeed (which I still am). Nothing could stop me or touch me. I was invincible, but the problem is we are not invincible.

When you feel invincible that is when you are at your most vulnerable. You don’t think about the ‘what if’s’ and you certainly don’t think of failure. Your mind stays on the future and what you can accomplish! Feeling invincible is a powerful and dangerous thing.

Life happens

Funny thing about life is when it happens, it happens at the worse times. I was so engulfed in positivity that I forgot about life! Life is just life; it is neither a positive or negative thing. There are many incidents that happens both beyond our control and in our control. It sucks.

And when the most shitty thing happens, we waddle in emotional turbulence.

“Why? Why the F is this happening again.” We ask our selves. Why me. We try to run from this victim mentality. You want to cry when things get hard, but you can’t. You don’t want to be too emotional. You don’t want to be angry, so you keep things bottled up, which leads you to the next big blow up.

The Cycle

It is crazy, it isn’t one peculiar thing that happens, it happens like Hurricane season, one strom after another one. When it is over, you find yourself in a deep hole– at first unable to dig yourself out. But, you find the strength and the courage to get out and you feel invincible, because you are! You got yourself out of depression! You got yourself out of debt! You did, you did! You feel invisible and then you fall back into the trap.

And….when the next life happens, happens it humbles you. It is a cruel cycle.

Last week, I was at joy and now I feel panic because life happened and I wasn’t prepared. I really thought once I was happy, then nothing would ever bother me again. I might feel this way because of anxiety or maybe I feel this way because I realized happiness does not mean invincibility.

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2 comments

  1. As always Vianka, a thoughtful blog posting, thanks for sharing.

    Yep, it sucks, life interruptus, thief of our joy and invincibility. That’s the LEMON. The LEMONADE is the feelings of resurgent hope and resilience that can follow unexpected and unwanted change. One of our best traits as human beings is our steadfast belief in positive outcomes, however short or long the timetable. Joy will return Vianka! Especially to you, one of the most unabashedly full-of-life joyful and positive souls I know ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for reading Pat!!! I appreciate your encouragement and positivity. I haven’t got angry yet which is a good sign. I am sticking to my positive affirmations, instead of burrowing myself in self-doubt and pity.

      Like

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